Jacqui Smith, replicant?
Jacqui Smith, MP for Redditch and soon-to-resign Home Secretary, I can exclusively reveal, is a replicant. (See the film Bladerunner, or read "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep," the short story by Philip K Dick which the film was based on.)
New Labour technicians must have worked hard and long to produce a convincing "double" of the real candidate, which was tested on Church Green, Redditch, as early as the 1997 general election campaign. Knowing nothing of this, I approached the "candidate" and asked a few questions about her political aims and beliefs.
What came out of her mouth was the purest Blair-New-Labour-bollocks with little or no connection to the questions asked. Repeating the questions in a different form produced an identical response. There was no attempt to actually engage with the questions - with hindsight, this was probably a programming fault.
Much the same fault was later exhibited when the replicant stood in as Home Secretary, adamantly insisting that 42-day detention without charge was a good idea, even after senior police said it would achieve nothing. Similarly repetitive behaviour was exhibited in discussions of identity cards, the replicant being programmed to insist they were vital for our national security despite mounting evidence from abroad that terrorists and criminals are not deterred by ID cards, or the lack of them.
The eeriness of my first, and only, encounter with Jacqui Smith stayed with me for a long time. Now two other things have led me to the conviction that there must be a replicant Jacqui Smith: the claim that her main home was a spare room in the house of the MP's sister, and the revelation that her expenses included a claim for two blue movies rented by her husband, Mr Richard Timney, who looks after their Redditch home.
A spare room in London would be ideal for the android version, providing a suitable location for recharging internal batteries, periodic servicing and such. The adult movies, I guess, were rented at a time when parliamentary duties, or android down-time, forced the real Jacqui Smith to go to Westminster.
Her resignation as Home Secretary is an attempt to damp down curiosity over her domestic arrangements and so cover up the existence of this advanced, though still flawed, piece of technology.
That's my theory, anyway.
New Labour technicians must have worked hard and long to produce a convincing "double" of the real candidate, which was tested on Church Green, Redditch, as early as the 1997 general election campaign. Knowing nothing of this, I approached the "candidate" and asked a few questions about her political aims and beliefs.
What came out of her mouth was the purest Blair-New-Labour-bollocks with little or no connection to the questions asked. Repeating the questions in a different form produced an identical response. There was no attempt to actually engage with the questions - with hindsight, this was probably a programming fault.
Much the same fault was later exhibited when the replicant stood in as Home Secretary, adamantly insisting that 42-day detention without charge was a good idea, even after senior police said it would achieve nothing. Similarly repetitive behaviour was exhibited in discussions of identity cards, the replicant being programmed to insist they were vital for our national security despite mounting evidence from abroad that terrorists and criminals are not deterred by ID cards, or the lack of them.
The eeriness of my first, and only, encounter with Jacqui Smith stayed with me for a long time. Now two other things have led me to the conviction that there must be a replicant Jacqui Smith: the claim that her main home was a spare room in the house of the MP's sister, and the revelation that her expenses included a claim for two blue movies rented by her husband, Mr Richard Timney, who looks after their Redditch home.
A spare room in London would be ideal for the android version, providing a suitable location for recharging internal batteries, periodic servicing and such. The adult movies, I guess, were rented at a time when parliamentary duties, or android down-time, forced the real Jacqui Smith to go to Westminster.
Her resignation as Home Secretary is an attempt to damp down curiosity over her domestic arrangements and so cover up the existence of this advanced, though still flawed, piece of technology.
That's my theory, anyway.
Labels: Jacqui Smith, politics, replicant, Richard Timney
posted by Skip | 12:46 am
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